WHAT ARE GOALS?

WHAT ARE GOALS?

Before I answer this, let me just say, if any of you are using 2020 as a legit excuse for why you didn’t achieve some or all of your goals, I am right there with you so you’re in good company. This post is not about winning at goals. It’s not even about how to set goals. It’s about the unpleasantness of failure. So, if this resonates with you, come stay and read awhile.

As some of your or very few to none of you may know because it was such a long time ago, I committed to writing more blogs in 2020. I love writing and that’s my outlet so I made a BIG goal of it. I was super excited and then 2020 “came in like a wrecking ball”. Do I have to say more? Lets face it, who isn’t over 2020 and already looking forward to 2021? (#hello2021). I am determined to work towards my goal even if it is the end of the year, so tadaaa I introduce this post.

I love acronyms! I came up with one for GOALS to understand why I set goals and what I’m like when I’m actively pursuing them. So, what are GOALS? They are opportunities to “GET OUT AND LEARN SOMETHING”.

The more you know, the more you grow. The more you grow, the more you know. Sounds poetic right? It’s true though. Goals are meant to push you. They are meant to be stretchy and uncomfortable. We are meant to doubt ourselves along the way. What they aren’t meant to be…are unrealistic. For instance, do I have a goal of becoming an all powerful magical wizardess some day…maybe. Okay, yes, yes I do! Is it realistic? No. Well maybe not in this realm. Anyone know how I can contact Dr. Strange?

As 2020 is coming to a close, we have a chance to reset. This pandemic is no where near gone, but all the same, there’s a certain energy and hopefulness that comes with the start of a new year. It’s a chance to recalibrate and set new goals for 2021. I personally get excited and enthusiastic and SUPER motivated when I am setting a new goal, especially if it’s challenging.

Unfortunately for many of us, intention alone doesn’t get us to where we want to be. If it did, I would be a super star gajillionaire by now. Where I tend to fall short at times is in the execution phase of my goals and that can get discouraging. Sometimes it’s because I allowed myself to get distracted, or procrastinate to the point where I feel overwhelmed by the goal. Other times its because I set such a high bar and unrealistic goal knowing that the person I am currently being, isn’t up to that task. Don’t get me wrong please. This doesn’t mean I can’t be that person, but simply I’m just not there quite yet. Rather than creating a ladder of smaller “SMART” goals, I try to get from point A to B by leaping into the Grand Canyon of goals. Have you ever met anyone who jumped over one of those canyons and didn’t fall in or worse? Truthfully, I have never heard of anyone trying lol but if they did, it would be a lot like that. And yes, I admit… sometimes I come up short on my goals due to my own lack of self-discipline. YUP!! Lots of failures look like that.

That’s when my inner mean girl likes to strike. She is the Karen of all Karens in terms of inner voice monologues. She’s only ever really mean to me, but her voice starts making me doubt myself and I mean really doubt myself. I start having a lot of those “I’m not worthy” type of conversations with myself. She says all the things that hit me right at my core. The core is that small hidden space within us where our true emotions live. We usually try to protect this space from external threats (i.e. feeling vulnerable). So it should be no surprise that our ego (inner survivor- and YES, we all have one) knows all the weaknesses of this core; because, the core is also where our insecurities live. Our ego tells us to give up, stop trying, or not to dream big because we’ll get hurt somehow. I was sick of this repetitive internal voice having the upper hand in my life so I sought out the techniques, tools, and coaches both in my personal and professional life to reduce its influence.

Can any of you relate to this so far? Even on the tiniest level? If the answer is yes, well then CONGRATS! You ARE a human being.

Even the most confident people in the world have “cores” of insecurities. They too have their moments of self doubt. If they tell you they never do, just take it with a grain of salt. They are either lying to you or maybe just to themselves. Treat them with compassion. They will have their own awakening one day (hopefully). At any rate, those are not the people you want to listen to for advice or support when it comes to an honest self-assessment.

We all do battle with our inner voices, especially when we set goals that are uncomfortable or stretchy. Sometimes mine shouts: “You suck” . So, do we give in and believe those voices? I used to 🥺. NOW? No. You might be wondering, how, right? Well, at least I hope you are because I want you to keep reading.

Have you ever heard of reframing? It’s when we reframe our negative thoughts to positive ones. In simplest terms, I start by paying attention to what’s happening within me in the moment. I hear my thoughts and think ..cool cool so that b***h Karen has decided to make an appearance in my head and complain about what I didn’t do right. First, I acknowledge this internal dialogue is not very nice and that I’m going to go ahead and change it. I choose to reframe that mean self-talk into supportive self-talk. Instead of getting stuck saying to myself “I failed so I suck at this“, I choose to say “I’m learning and I’m going to get better“. In this example, I replace “failed” with “learning” and “suck” with “getting better”. Doing this exercise takes patience and practice so be gentle with yourself. You must commit yourself to reframing your thoughts. It does not happen automatically and it is definitely not an overnight process. We must get in the habit of continually substituting those negative thoughts with positive reframes. This is how we break our old thought patterns. This is where working with a self-development coach or life coach can really come in handy, but it is not a requirement to get started. Just decide to take small steps towards your own self-improvement and trust in that process. Do what you can on your own and then seek out the support of those who can guide you the rest of the way. Check out the bottom of this post for some useful links to help you get started.

Your best immunity and your best defense against your inner mean voice is reframing your self-talk. This is what increases your self-worth, self-respect, and confidence which will only help you on your journey to achieving your GOALS. So, dream big, aim high, and GET OUT AND LEARN SOMETHING about yourself.

Note from the writer:
GOALS acronym and the perspective I share in this post are my own and defined through my continuous pursuit over the years at self-improvement through education, coaching, and experience.

Resources
Reframing:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stronger-the-broken-places/201712/reframing

Achieve Your Goals: Three Ways to Reframe Goal Setting:
https://www.cfma.org/resources/content.cfm?ItemNumber=7885

3 Powerful Mind Reframing Shifts that Can Drastically Improve Your Life:
https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/3-powerful-mind-reframing-shifts-that-can-drastically-improve-your-life.html

Positive Reframing and Examining the Evidence:
https://sdlab.fas.harvard.edu/cognitive-reappraisal/positive-reframing-and-examining-evidence